Buried Permission Read online

  Buried Permission

  Jennifer Kacey

  Kerrington needed her best friend Danielle in her life. Secretly she wasn’t just a need. She was an ache, buried so deep Kerrington couldn’t breathe without wanting her. But she’d promised her grandmother she’d make her proud and find a man to marry, to have children with, to love, to cherish…

  Nothing else mattered more than following the straight and narrow path set before her. Until one night when a simple kiss changed everything and put Danielle and Kerrington’s strained friendship into question.

  Searching for answers, Kerrington finds the permission she thought lost forever—unearthed by hypnotherapist Dr. Mackenzie Raith. Now Kerrington must convince Danielle to give her one last chance, if it’s not too late.

  A Romantica® female/female erotic romance from Ellora’s Cave

  Buried Permission

  Jennifer Kacey

  Dedication

  PMITC—thank you for the use of your name—and several other nods in your direction. You floor me with your level of awesome!!

  Dr. Mack—you know who you are. Without you this book would be nothing but a dream. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your help.

  Acknowledgements

  A special thanks to Erin Dameron-Hill for making Kerrington and Danielle come to life on the cover. It’s absolutely perfect!

  To Nina and our commas of DOOM! You delight me and I’m unbelievably lucky to have you in my corner!!

  Chapter One

  The faint smells of beer and cigarettes tickled Kerrington’s nose as soon as she and her best friend stepped inside a local club, Pulse. The hushed atmosphere of the normally pumping techno club threw her for a second since she normally needed earplugs any time she entered.

  She blinked, trying to adjust her brown eyes to the dark space. They’d entered on the ground floor, which happened to be the upper level.

  Customers packed every table and chair. Some even stood around the railing to overlook the low stage and temporary seating area set up below, in the space normally reserved for dancing.

  Why she’d agreed to go to a hypnosis demonstration at the last minute, she had no clue. Sitting in the dark, close to Danielle, in a place inadvertently named after her favorite setting on her vibrator was a disaster waiting to happen.

  She brushed her straight, dark-blonde hair over her shoulder, cupping a hand next to Danielle’s ear. She tried not to inhale the faint perfume that always reminded her of nude beaches and sun-kissed skin. “I told you we shouldn’t have come. It’s too crowded.”

  Danielle rolled her green eyes, tossing her strawberry-blonde hair and making it bounce. “If you wouldn’t have waited until the last minute to say yes we could have been here before the show actually started. You know I hate scrambling to get ready.” Whispering wasn’t one of her strong suits so several people glanced around at them.

  Kerrington’s best friend took her hand, tugging her around several people who were hovering just inside the door. She stopped at the top of the steps leading down to the stage level. Sixty or so people were shoehorned around three sides of the stage in a semicircle. The audience sat in chairs close enough to be kin to sardines.

  On a low profile, stage spotlights illuminated a handful of people sitting side by side in a straight line. The stage only stood maybe two feet off the floor. Everyone around them focused on a well-dressed woman speaking from the stage.

  A woman?

  Kerrington questioned, “I thought you said the hypnotist’s name was Dr. Mack?”

  Danielle continued searching for a place for them to sit, but must have come up as empty as Kerrington on their current no-open-real-estate dilemma.

  “It is. It’s short for Dr. Mackenzie Raith.”

  For a tiny girl, not yet twenty-five, her voice carried over the murmuring crowd, drawing more attention.

  The hypnotist turned, pausing in her speech and Kerrington cursed herself again for deciding to come.

  Instead of looking put out by their tardiness, Dr. Mack smiled, pointing out two seats open in the front row before resuming her demonstration.

  Kerrington opened her mouth, ready to tell Danielle she didn’t want to sit that close. Before she uttered a single word, her best friend grabbed her hand, linked their fingers and then pulled her down the short set of stairs. She dragged her around chairs and small, round tables filled with people.

  “No, let’s go find another—”

  “Shh,” came from several directions, shushing Kerrington into submission.

  She followed silently, focusing on Danielle’s mocha flippy skirt. It bounced on every step she took with her platform heels. Kerrington started to sweat and glanced away nervously. She felt eyes watching them. It wasn’t the skirt she’d borrowed from Danielle that barely covered her ass that made her nervous, or being the center of attention in a room full of people. It was her best friend holding her hand…in public.

  They could have been a couple, maybe even lovers.

  But they weren’t.

  Never had been, even though Danielle had made it clear, several times, they could be if Kerrington would just come out of the closet.

  Kerrington cleared her throat as they settled into their seats, trying to shake off the memories of those late-night conversations they never spoke of in the light of day.

  “Great seats,” Danielle exclaimed in as quiet a voice as she could muster.

  Her breath brushed across Kerrington’s cheek and she tried not to react. But her eyes closed, her nipples beading beneath the thin top she wore. She thanked her lucky stars for wearing a push-up bra so her nipple rings didn’t show.

  One more secret she hid from everybody.

  She took a deep breath and held it, closing her eyes for a few seconds and wanting a cigarette in the worst of ways. She shook off the craving, trying desperately not to give in to wanting two things she shouldn’t.

  On her exhale she tuned into what the hypnotist said, instead of just how cute her black high-heels were.

  She spoke directly to the people on stage. “Continue down your body, relaxing each muscle group. Let your hips relax, your thighs. The simple weight of your palms resting on top makes your legs feel very heavy. That heaviness travels down to your knees, along your lower leg.”

  Kerrington caught the eye of Dr. Mack and a rush of awareness traveled up her spine, smacking her in the back of the skull.

  Dr. Mack winked at her, never losing her place in the speech she’d obviously given before.

  “Now that your entire body is relaxed and heavy I want you to focus on your breathing. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale… Breathe in positive energy and then release all of your negative thoughts and feelings when you exhale.”

  All of the people sitting on stage, three guys and two girls, sat slumped in their chairs. Kerrington relaxed with them, following the suggestions of the hypnotist.

  What could it hurt?

  “As you close your eyes I need you to picture a favorite location. A vacation spot you went as a child. Maybe a room in your house you relax in, or even a spa you go to for a massage.”

  Before the cerebral suggestion had been fully described, Kerrington pictured the sitting room at her grandmother’s house—

  Her house.

  It was hers now, free and clear. Even after four years she still had a hard time remembering her signature resided on the title’s owner line.

  “Take a deep breath for me and when you let it out I want you to picture a staircase. You can walk to the top or the bottom, whichever level you like best. I need you to grasp the handrail attached to the wall beside you. It might be metal or wooden. Feel it against your palm. Wrap your fingers around it.”

  Kerring
ton smiled, feeling the rail in her hand. She stood at the top of the stairs leading down into her basement, as if she were going to get a load of laundry.

  The warmth of her grandmother wrapped around her and she took another step down.

  “Take another step, feeling your foot solidly press against the next stair. Your body is relaxed and safe here. When you’re ready, take two more steps, and—”

  Kerrington’s arm slipped off the armrest, jolting her awake. Her eyes popped open and adrenaline spiked her heart rate.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to nudge you so hard. Talk about feeling crammed.” Danielle shifted in her seat, crossing her legs, focused on the stage again.

  Kerrington willed her pulse to slow, hyper-aware of how close she’d been to the bottom of her staircase. She would have been deep in trance.

  Danielle patted her knee, squeezing it, her eyebrows slanted in a V of concern. “You okay?”

  “Mmm hmm. Fine.” She was anything but fine.

  Little fingers of desire crawled up the insides of her thighs, but she clamped her legs together, cutting off the sensation before it could get to her pussy. The last thing she needed was a big wet spot on her chair or God forbid her skirt later when they were ready to leave.

  Danielle gave her knee one last squeeze, dragging her fingertips across Kerrington’s skin.

  The sudden chill to her flesh raised goose bumps. She made circles with her ankle, bouncing her sandal against the sole of her foot. Awareness of her friend kept her distracted and she forced herself to tune back into the show she had paid to watch.

  A guy on all fours with his tongue hanging out, wagging his ass like a poodle wasn’t exactly what she expected to see.

  Nervous laughter bubbled out of her mouth. Thankfully she wasn’t the only one.

  “Bark for me,” Dr. Mack commanded.

  “Woof woof.”

  Everyone laughed at his eager response, followed by more make-believe tail thumping.

  “The other two men on stage please move off your chairs, sit on the floor and face me.”

  The college-aged guys scooted forward, staring at her with slightly vacant expressions. Several guys who had to be their buddies sat in the front row on the other side. They all had cell phones in hand, more than likely videoing the entire show.

  Could be so their friends could see themselves later. Or—more likely—they could put every embarrassing moment on the internet for the world to see…and heckle.

  “Your arms are incredibly sticky. So sticky they’re glued to your sides.”

  Both sets of eyebrows on the men lifted simultaneously. Kind of like Siamese cats, but with less fur.

  “Go ahead. Try to lift them.”

  One dude smirked, rolling his eyes. No one could have missed the moment he realized he actually couldn’t raise his arms. He flapped his hands like a penguin, splaying his fingers, wiggling around on his ass, but nothing helped.

  The other guy flopped over like a fish out of water.

  “That’s why I always have them sit on the ground for this portion. They tend to keel over every time.”

  “I bet they’re just faking it,” someone shouted from the audience. Everyone, including Danielle and Kerrington, searched for who’d voiced what they were all thinking.

  “Your subconscious mind is very different than your conscious one. It’s not weighed down by social norms and stigmas about acting like a fool in public. And remember what I said at the very beginning, no one will take a suggestion that goes against their moral framework. You have to be open to hearing what I have to say or I might as well be talking to a brick wall.”

  “But how do you get that part of your mind to shut up?”

  Laughter bubbled and bounced off the walls of the club as the two guys on stage flopped around some more.

  One of them bumped the doggie man, who immediately growled and sniffed him. He lifted his leg and Dr. Mack smacked him on the rear with a magazine she’d been holding. Kerrington hadn’t noticed, too preoccupied with the rest of the show.

  “Bad dog. Lay down.”

  He whimpered, rolling over to show her his belly.

  “Good boy,” she praised, rubbing his tummy with the magazine. “It’s amazing what the human mind can accomplish and accept when our filters and self-consciousness is removed.”

  “No shit,” a woman murmured from the landing above. “I can’t even get my Boston Terrier to do that yet.”

  “Maybe you should try hypnosis,” a guy retorted across the bar.

  Everyone chuckled again, including Dr. Mack.

  “Okay, gentlemen, all of you can return to your chairs and relax. For the rest of the show you need to breathe deeply and concentrate on resting and remaining calm so you can take that feeling with you when you leave here today. You three did great.”

  They followed her directions, climbed back into their chairs in no time. They looked like they were on vacation somewhere tropical. No vestiges of their canine hiatus nor the Elmer’s experiment remained.

  “Now for the two lovely ladies on stage, are there any suggestions?”

  Before Kerrington could even contemplate an idea, a man off to her left shouted, “Make them both come.”

  At least two other people agreed aloud with a, “Hell, yeah.”

  “Can you do that?” a woman a few seats down from Danielle wanted to know.

  “Everyone always wants to see the orgasm,” Dr. Mack mock-scolded with a smile and shake of her finger. Her heels popped on the wood of the stage beneath her feet as she walked behind the chairs of her next victims. “Remember how open the mind is. Using hypnosis, you can convince someone that having a surgical procedure won’t hurt. A patient can divert blood away from an incision site to decrease blood loss complications. You can quit overeating and even lose your fear of public speaking. An orgasm isn’t much different. You’re convincing your body a certain reaction needs to happen. Whether the stimulus you’re used to is there or not is irrelevant. So yes, I can really make them come with nothing more than talking.”

  The mere mention of the pretty girls on stage coming made Kerrington shift in her seat to relieve the pressure on her clit. Moisture coated the lips of her bare sex. She stole a glance at Danielle, who couldn’t have been more locked on to what was happening on stage.

  Unable to help herself, Kerrington glanced at the front of Danielle’s blouse. The faint raised tips of her nipples taunted her through the fabric. She looked away, her cheeks heating. Trying to stop the desire tunneling straight to her core wasn’t going to be possible.

  “Ladies, have either of you ever been to a strip club?”

  Both nodded.

  “Male strippers or female?”

  “Female,” one answered.

  “Male,” came from the other one.

  “Did you get a lap dance while you were there? Or see one happen close to you?”

  They nodded again, one smiling hugely while her cheeks darkened to a lovely shade of mauve.

  “I want you to put yourself back there now. You’re in the middle of the strip club but it’s after-hours. You’re there to get a private dance. A show for only you and the dancer who’s eyed you all night is there. The lights are low and the stripper stalks closer and closer to the chair you’re seated in.”

  “Mmm…” one of them sighed and crooked her finger at the imaginary stripper only she could see.

  Kerrington tried to picture a guy but he kept morphing into a girl who looked a hell of a lot like green-eyed Danielle, with wavy blonde hair that teased the tops of her breasts as she walked.

  The other girl arched her back against her chair, looking up and up as she clutched the armrests.

  “The music playing through the speakers pulses inside you as they start to dance.”

  A sexy melody echoed in the room, the bass settling inside Kerrington like a heartbeat. Whether it had been on the entire time she had no idea, but she had to concentrate hard to keep from twitching her pelvis to the
Latin rhythm.

  “They don’t just dance for you, they caress your skin, run their hands along your thighs beneath your skirt, almost getting to your pussy but they stop just shy of where you want them to touch you.”

  The girls sighed, moaning while flexing their fingers in frustration.

  “Oh, fuck. I think my girlfriend’s hypnotized too. What the hell do I do now?”

  Kerrington found the girl in the crowd behind them and she was clearly lost in the fantasy-stripper world Dr. Mack had created for them.

  “Hope she doesn’t mind coming in a room full of people she may or may not know,” Dr. Mack mused. “Just make sure she doesn’t fall out of her chair and she’ll be fine.”

  Danielle quietly clapped her hands close together and gave Kerrington two thumbs up.

  Kerrington didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry at Danielle’s enthusiasm. Knowing she’d never get to experience any other kind of orgasm with her was heartbreaking. But getting to share in someone else’s was somehow acceptable. It didn’t make any sense but Kerrington shook off her reservations, trying not to think about it as jumping down a rabbit hole with no way to get back out.

  Dr. Mack called everyone’s attention back to the women on stage, who were getting to enjoy their semi-private lap dances. “Your stripper slips off one piece of clothing at a time. Slowly and with all their attention on seducing you, they move and shimmy to the cadence of the sexy music.

  “They tug you to the edge of your seat, straddling your lap, grinding against you with one hand buried in your hair and the other lifting and stroking one of your breasts.”

  Kerrington couldn’t remember to breathe. She couldn’t think, couldn’t concentrate on anything but the moans coming from the stage and the very real desire pounding through her.

  Danielle reached over, pressing a hand to the top of Kerrington’s knee again.

  She wanted to grab it and throw it off. She needed to guide it beneath her skirt until Danielle found how wet she was for her. Only her.